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AND
NOW …..
Where
were you when you first heard The BSOLP? I was in a nightclub somewhere up north. It was some one-cow town
south of Majhitha. I was there to scout a band called … I
can’t remember. It doesn’t matter. The opening band was all that I saw
that night. They were called The BSOLP and were an odd looking foursome; they
seemed too businessmen-like to be playing such hard-core psychedelic
blues. They blew my mind!
After their set I bought them drinks and got to
know them. They were nice guys. After a few more drinks they admitted to
me that they were not musicians at all. They were doing what they claimed
to be “holy work.” It turned out that they had been accountants
working in a big firm in Chandigarh when lightning struck their office. These four were all that survived the
horrendous ordeal. When the smoke cleared and the ashes fell they saw a
Vision of a famous Saint (not to be mentioned—but we all know who it
was). This Saint commanded that they do
several things. The four survivors couldn't remember what all those things
were (since no one was taking notes) but one of the items was to start a
rock n’ roll band. So they at least did that.
I
decided to bring these blokes back to Mumbai to see Mr. Singh (I was one of his
talent scouts then). I told Mr. Singh that he had to see this band. He
cancelled all his evening appointments and rented out the Oberoi Liquor Lounge. I
brought The BSOLP in, helped them get set up, and then saw to it that they
were well-fed and bathed. I must have given away 1,000s of tickets that
night to make sure the place was packed. I wanted these guys to shine like
diamonds. And that they did (or so I thought). But Mr. Singh didn’t think so. He hated them and
walked out during their first song. He even threatened to fire me. I was
so upset I pulled the plug on the boys and threw them out of the lounge (and even
tossed my shoes at them).
Then
later that night my phone rang. It was Mr. Singh! He was in a
panic. He asked me if I still had The BSOLP with me. I told him NO. I admitted that
I had thrown them out onto the streets and that they were most-likely sleeping on the Mumbai
sidewalk somewhere. Mr. Singh was very upset and told me that he needed to
find them ASAP! We drove around for hours looking for them. I finally
asked Mr. Singh why he had changed his mind about The BSOLP. Mr.
Singh told me that he had had an awful dream; and in that dream he was visited
by “A Saint” (we all know who). This dream/ghost Saint kept kicking him in his head and scolded him for not being
enlightened enough to sign a good band when he saw one. He knew he would
never sleep peacefully again if he didn’t find The BSOLP and sign them!
Well,
the rest, as they say, is history. The BSOLP is now Mr. Singh’s best and
most profitable band. He treats them like his sons. As I mentioned earlier
Mr.
Singh and The BSOLP are now headed to America. Their 2009 World Tour will
begin once they get there.
Most
of you have been following The BSOLP on Myspace Music, where members of
the band keep blogs. Rather than summarize the recent
2008 World Tour in this magazine I will let them
do
it. Below are some
2008 World Tour blogs:
INCLUDED
IN THIS SECTION: A HUGE BONUS!
The officially sanctioned BSOLP frame-ready poster for each 2008 show can
be downloaded (just click on Icon).
Monday, February
25, 2008
New To Myspace
Current mood:  breezy
Someone
suggested we try Myspace Music. We are just about to begin our 2008
World
Tour and would like to meet as many of our fans in Asia, Africa,
Europe, America, and Australia as we can. If we have any money
left over we’d like to meet our fans in South America and
Antarctica too. Someone asked us why we call ourselves The BSOLP.
I’m not sure I can explain. It’s one of those things that if
need be explained cannot be understood. Anyway, Hope to make friends
on Myspace because we need places to stay while on our World Tour!
Kuch
Kuch Hota Hay, Chotas
KP |
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Sunday,
March 02, 2008
I Guess
Our World Tour is Beginning
Current mood:  catalyzed
I
noticed that Mogender H.V. Singh had new posters made up
that show we’re doing one of his "show of shows" at
the Univ of Dhaka this week. I have no idea where that is. If it’s
outside of India
I guess our World Tour is
officially underway. Most of the band is excited. Some of the
roadies are too. Me? I guess I’m excited too. Hope to see some of
you at the show later this week.
Rock
the Cazbah, Yaars
KP
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Friday,
March 07, 20
Sorry
About The Mixup (UD vs. DU)
Current mood:  bored
Hey,
to all our fans that missed us
at our Dhaka show: so sorry! The guy that
paints our posters got the "U" and "D"
backwards. We were playing at Dhaka Univ (DU) not in the village of
"UD," which is in some remote hill station far away in
some barren wilderness. Those poor village people had no idea what
was going on when all our fans started showing up. Conversely, the
Psychedelic Circus was kind of a bust. Two of the psychedelic clowns
got hurt when the canon they were supposed to be fired out of malfunctioned and
only a few hundred people showed up. Be sure to catch
our next show which is in Bhutan (or something like that).
Keep
it Real, Chotas!
KP
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Thursday,
March 13, 2008
Brrrrrrrrr
I’m
not sure what Mogender H.V. Singh was thinking when he booked our
World Tour through Bhutan and Nepal in the dead of winter. We’re
half frozen and suffering from oxygen deprivation. Two of the
roadies have even gotten frostbite on an unidentified limb. (If you
knew the limb you might laugh, but I assure you it’s no laughing
matter!) On a sad note the Saturday night show at the
Dzhong Disco has been cancelled. I guess they double booked the
place and it’s some 10-year-old’s birthday party or something.
The band doesn’t really care as the crowds have been pretty mellow
and I don’t think they really get what we’re trying to do. Next
week we’re playing somewhere in Nepal. I can hardly wait
(where’s that symbol for a face making that blank stare look?).
Rock
On, Chotas!
KP
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Tuesday,
March 18, 2008
We Almost
Did It!
Current mood:  handsome
Wow!
That’s all I can say. Thank you to all our fans that came out
tonight to see our show in Patan. It was wild! Totally awesome. My
head is still pulsating and I can’t remember who I am or where I
am. Okay, now I remember so I can now finish this blog message.
As
most of you know The BSOLP was attempting tonight to play the
longest song ever in a rock concert setting. The record is currently
held by Jimi Purple Floyd, a progressive band out of England.
They broke the record in 1974 with their version of Richard
Rodgers’ Victory at Sea. It clocked in at 8 hrs & 52 mins.
Well The BSOLP came mighty close to
that record tonight! We got to about hour 7 of
a song when the concert hall suffered a power
failure. I suspect someone pulled the plug on us. Anyway, the
bottom line is that
we did not break the record. We will try again in a
few weeks. I have to go to bed now. I have already fallen
asleep.
Shava
Shava, chotas
KP
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Tuesday,
March 25, 2008
Jammu
Jammin’
Current mood:  blessed
Thank
you to all our fans who came to our Jammu College show. It was a
wild night. I’ve heard many people say that Mogender Hanuman Vijay
Singh is both a genius and an idiot at the the same time. I mean no
disrespect when I say I agree. This latest show proved the
genius part. As most of you know Mr. Singh (our boss) has a theory
about showmanship. He says that no two shows should ever be the
same. This makes people always come to see you again and again. He
says once the act gets stagnant so does the audience. Thus, he will
only use an idea once and then toss it away into the pyre
of forgotten memories. That being said I am sorry that we can never
do a show like the one we did last Saturday at Jammu College. It
blew my mind (and I’ve been doing this for a long time). First of
all I must say that Duke Dharma was fantastic. He
was one of our opening acts. This chap
really knew how to rock n’ roll (literally). I never saw anyone
perform an entire act standing on their head while the audience was
allowed to throw golf balls at them. He really knew how to play the banjo
too. They don’t teach that at the Lucknow Conservatory!
Pretty wild. Anyway, we’re off to my former homeland of Lahore.
Hope to see you there!
Rock
Me Amadeus,
KP
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Monday, March 31, 2008
Headin’ North to Torkham
Current mood:  blank
Hello, chums!
I thought I'd get you caught up with our latest adventures.
Thank you again to all you who came to our show in Lahore! The show
was a sell out! The lodge had a capacity of about 300 and we stuffed
more than twice that inside. From what I heard the yards adjacent
the building were also filled to capacity. It's wonderful to know
that people enjoy the BSOLP so much. Had someone told me four years
ago (before we were struck by lightning and our dharma was chosen for
us by that un-named Saint) that we would be one of Asia's most
famous acid raga bands--I'd of said you're full of aloo paratas!
As most of you know last Friday's show in Lahore was an all
acoustic thing. This proved to be very difficult as none of us
are musicians. (Actually, what I mean to say is that we
are not trained the way most other musical people are. We
rely on Divine intervention to make sure our chords and notes sound
right.) I'm not sure where Mogender Hanuman Vijay Singh came up with
this acoustic raga idea. He was very gung-ho about the whole
thing and ordered us to rehearse for three days non-stop. Instead of
hiring a musical Guru to train us he rented a DVD called
Baiju Bawra and made us watch it and learn all the songs. If I
am being honest I can say bravely that no-one in the audience would
have ever suspected that we were so new to this whole traditional raga thing. We
sounded great!
We're now off to the city of Torkham. Mr. Singh says he hopes our
buses and equipment trucks can make it up the Khyber Pass.
Namaste!
KP
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Friday, April 04, 2008
ON to Dushanbe
Current mood:  amorous
I have always championed the goodness and wisdom of our boss Mr.
Mogender Hanuman Vijay Singh! He is very good to us and treats us
like his sons. Before every show he gives us a pep talk backstage.
Did you ever see the American movie about that football coach George
Gipper (or whatever his name was)? He was the coach of the famous
Four Horseman of the apocalypse. Our pep talks are like that!
Mr. Singh comes in and rants and raves about how we’re all winners
and such. So anyway we have this show at some remote place up in
Torkham. We’re backstage and ready to go. Mr. Singh comes in and
gives us the talk. He goes on about how we’re the best band ever.
Then he says he is proud that we give every show our best effort,
whether we’re playing in front of 70,000 fans or just one. It was
a really good inspiring speech! We then do our group high-five and
run out to start the show. We then knew what Mr. Singh meant about
doing a show in front of "just one." Only one guy was
sitting there! He wasn’t even a fan. He had no idea what was going
on. He thought he was there to see a puppet show.
We did the show anyway, even though the guy made some kind of
gesture and left halfway through our first song. After the show Mr.
Singh told us to get into the bus quickly and we drove away as fast
as we could. He sensed that we had angered the villagers with all
our psychedelic pyrotechnics and antics. He admitted later that we
were lucky we weren’t killed by the angry mob that chased after us
as we drove away.
Oh well. Next week we are doing a show in Dushanbe. Mr. Singh
said it should be better than the one in Torkham.
Rock On, chotas!
KP
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Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Off to the Kyrgyzstan Mountains
Current mood: bouncy
Hey-o!
First off, I want to thank all our fans for coming to our
Dushanbe show. We actually did our concert in an airport hotel
lounge. It was lots of fun and Mr. Singh (our boss) was somewhat
satisfied with the venue. He told us (I think he was being sarcastic
though) that he never thought we'd be lucky enough to do a show
in a place that was graced with over sized black velvet
paintings of dogs playing poker and dogs playing pool. We are now
headed to Osh University in the Kyrgyz Republic. We may or may not
begin the trip today. It all depends on whether or not the local
police can find our stolen equipment truck. Mr. Singh says he
hopes whoever took it will return it. No questions asked.
Rock on, chotas!
KP
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Headin’ To Ferghana
Current mood:  mellow
A big shout out to all my chotas!
Well it certainly looks like our 2008 World Tour is off to a good
start (you should see the face I'm making right now)! We just did a show
in Osh (in Kyrgyzstan). We had a Huge turn out! It was Awesome! I
never saw so many good looking girls! And they sure threw some weird
stuff on stage. Being unfamiliar with Russian-style undergarments we
weren't sure what most of the stuff was. We did the entire show a
Cappella. We had to. Our equipment got stolen in Dushanbe. Our next
show is in Uzbekistan at some technical college. Hope to see you
there!
Rock out, chachas!
KP
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Monday, May 05, 2008
World Tour Update
Current mood:  melancholy
Sorry I have not blogged in a while. I was at a loss of words.
I want to first begin by saying thank you to Red-Headed Steppe
Child (They opened for us in Ferghana). They let us borrow their
gear for our show. That's because Mr. Singh (our boss) still hasn't
recovered our stolen equipment from Dushanbe.
As far as our recent Dinner Theatre show in Dasoguz, well ...
all I can say is we're not sure what happened. Mr. Singh (our boss)
was really gung-ho about the whole thing. He even flew out his
nephew, who is a scriptwriter for a famous Bollywood studio. They
wrote the show (modeling it after the 1960's American TV Show called
Laugh In). They even brought in this set designer, who built this
huge window and trap door contraption so we could open doors and
tell jokes in between zany music. For the most part the show was
just us go-go dancing and then the music would stop and we'd
have to tell stupid jokes.
Now here's the kicker: the audience (for the most part) did not
speak either Hindi or English so most of our jokes just landed
on blank stares! Except when someone said, "Sock it to me"
and then got hit with either a pie or giant boxing glove. Then
the audience was happy.
Okay...Forget not that we in the BSOLP are all former
accountants! So we understand finances! So none of us can figure out
why Mr. Singh (our boss) just spent tons of money to put on
some stupid dinner theatre show that totally bombed! Heck, only
30 people could fit inside the restaurant! If he was lucky he
made about 10% back on his investment. A fraction of that cost
could have bought new instruments! We asked Mr. Singh
(our boss) about that and he just pulled out our contract and showed
us a clause that said we were never to question his brilliance. He
then docked our pay. Oh well.
Rock On, Chotas!
KP
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Monday, May 12, 2008
Finally-A Show of Shows BSOLP concert
Howdy yaars,
Last weekend we finally got our groove back on. Mr. Singh (our
boss) finally booked a big arena and put together one of his show of
show type concerts. He also bought us new amps, guitars, bass and
drums. So it was like old times. He even flew The Unknown Poet
out. The Unknown poet is the unofficial fifth BSOLPer. He used to
write most of our songs and perform interpretive dances during
some of our more psychedelic solos. For the Alamty show he just did
poetry and one or two bongo solos. He didn't want to wear out his
welcome. Mr. Singh also hired the Turan University Marching
Guitar Band for one of the acts. They were pretty good! I never saw
a marching band just play guitars like that. They played lots of old
fan favorites, like Walk Don't Run, Tequila, and
Some Velvet
Morning when I'm Straight. Not too shabby!
Anyway, it was fun to finally put on a show of shows type
concert again. I have no idea where we are going next. I slept
through the band meeting this morning. I got more pay docked but at
least I got to sleep in.
Rock on, Chotas!
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Saturday, May 31, 2008
Update on recent disaster
Current mood: bummed
Okay,
Everyone keeps writing to me asking if the press accounts of
what happened at out Rostov show are correct. I can only say some of
them are. If I have learned anything by doing all these shows is
that some people in the press love to kick you when you're down. All
I know now is that Mr. Singh (our boss) has banned Reporters from
covering our shows and anyone who has a press credential has been
kicked out of the official BSOLP posse. Which is a bummer because
our best looking groupies were also reporters (or bloggers).
In a nutshell here is what happened: When Mr. Singh booked the
Rostov State University Stadium for a 24-hour show someone criss-crossed
the dates and the latter 12 hrs of our show co-in sided with a
football match and hooligans holding tickets for the match pretty
much evicted our fans (and us) by force. To be honest it was no big
deal. Most of us in the band were pretty tired and took the beating
as an excuse to rest (unconscious as it may be). Bottom line is that
Mr. Singh (our boss) will never book that stadium again. He says as
far as he is concerned they are a bunch of [words too obscene to
qualify under Myspace parameters].
Anyway, we rock on to our next show. I have no idea where it is,
as I used to learn about our upcoming shows by reading the
newspapers. Now that reporters are banned from our press conferences
I might have to start attending the band meetings.
Rock on, Chotas!
KP
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Saturday, June 21, 2008
Somewhere in Romaina?
Current mood:  bouncy
I have no idea where we are. Since Mr. Singh (our boss) has
banned the press from riding along with us I don't know where we
are. I used ask one of the reporters, "Hey, yar, where are we
today?" and the guy would say, "Some place in
Turkministickistan, yar." or something like that. To be
honest this whole press boycott is really hurting our shows. We did
two shows where posters weren't even made. The only people
showing up were people that had to be there because it was where
they worked. I think Mr. Singh (our boss) is finally ready to let reporters
back into the press conferences. He says he made his point. I think
it has more to do with his financial backers looking at ticket
sales.
Our show tomorrow will be in Craiova, Romania. Mr.
Singh said it's going to be a bit more classy than our average show.
He's even making us wear tuxedos and is going to use a string
and woodwind section to add ambiance. He's even ordered a
cheese fondue for backstage. All we care is that people show up.
Rock On, Chotas!
KP
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Friday, July 18, 2008
Heading South
Current mood: rejuvenated
Hey, chotas!
Things are going well on our World Tour. We just did a show in
Greece somewhere. It was a lot of fun. The good news is Mr. Singh
(our boss) lifted his boycott of the press. The bad news is the
press doesn't care. On behalf of Mr. Singh I'm supposed to beg and
plead that people start attending our press conferences again. Mr.
Singh says he's sorry that he was so rude to everyone and that he
will be nicer to everyone, especially that reporter from the
Delhi Times that was accidentally hit over the head with a cricket
bat.
The BSOLP is actually doing very well despite low turnouts at
our concerts. We know this is a temporary thing. Once we get back
into Asia things will get better. I don't think they ever heard
of us in Greece. Well, at least 10 people have. That's all that came
to our show last Saturday.
Anyway, Pip Pip as they say!
KP
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Friday, August 08, 2008
Greetings from Crete
Current mood: bored
Hey, yars!
Greetings from the wonderful world of Crete! The BSOLP is on our
official summer vacation. Mr. Singh (our boss) rented a villa on
some tropical beach and we get to stay there for a few weeks.
Unfortunately we only get to lounge on the beach at night. We have
to work during day at a restaurant cleaning dishes. Mr. Sing
says it is the only way he can afford to pay the rent on the beach
house we are renting because he lost too much money on our last
three shows. I
hope this vacation doesn't last too long. We're tired of doing
dishes.
As far as new shows go, we are unsure when and where they will
be. Mr. Singh says we'll be on vacation until he finds out.
Too tired to rock out with my jibh
out,
KP
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Tuesday, October 21, 2008
A Quick Update
Current mood:  bored
Howdy, yars! Yes, we are still on vacation. Many of our fans are
asking when our next show will be. I wish I could tell you. Mr.
Singh (our boss) says he thinks he may have a big Oktoberfest thing booked
in Iran. That sounds like a lot of fun (or maybe not). Either way I
can speak for my band mates and say anything has to better than
where we are now.
Rock On, chotas!
KP
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Sunday, November 09, 2008
Oktoberfest in Iran not such a hot idea
Current mood: bummed
Mr. Singh (our boss) really is a certified genius (we've seen
the certificate) so I'm sure his reasons for putting together a Tehran Oktoberfest were sound. I've been warned by him not to talk
about the catastrophe (er, I mean low attended near death experience and it's aftermath) so I won't.
The reason for this blog is not to rue the past but to look
forward! Yes! Our World Tour 2008 will soon continue. Mr. Singh (our
boss) says now that Borat Osama (or whatever his name is) is the new
president of America he wants to bring his Psychedelic Circus
there. In America, he says, people really like that kind of mayhem,
stupidity and nonsense. That sounds good to us!!!! We
can't wait to go to America and continue our World Tour! We should
be leaving as soon as the Indian Ambassador in Iran works out
some sort of extradition deal to get Mr. Singh out of the Iranian jail he is
currently sitting in. Oops. I guess I wasn't supposed to mention
that. Sorry, Mr. Singh.
Later, Chotas!
KP
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Monday, December 01, 2008
World Tour Part II
Current mood:  artistic
We're finally on our way to America! Mr. Singh (our boss) has
finally been set free from jail. To clarify: the indecency charge
Mr. Singh was arrested for was unsubstantiated. Mr. Singh did not do anything indecent. It was just the 'idea' that he had about
having the Oktoberfest in Iran that caused the
trouble. Since the show never happened we in the band were not
arrested. Obviously the show was a bust and we lost money on the
deal as usual. Live and learn, says Mr. Singh.
Speaking of Mr. Singh, he said that they treated him very
nicely in jail and the caning he got was nothing like the caning he got in
Singapore during our 2003 World Tour.
Mr. Singh is now making contact with American psychedelic bands and most are
willing to be part of our upcoming Psychedelic Circus shows. If
you would like to be included, let us know.
Later, Chotas!
KP
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