4-21-MWS

This week's most favored story comes to us from Andy Coffucci of Dover, MA

The Hit Men

By A. Coffucci, minion #808

A long, long time ago my grandparents were staying at a luxurious hotel in Florida. One day during their vacation my grandfather was using the lobby restroom (minding his own business) when two very rough sounding individuals entered the room and began discussing gangster business. He could hear their voices clearly as one of the men said:

“So, wadda ya think, we gonna kill that son of a b__ch today or what?”

My poor grandfather was horrified. He lifted his feet off the floor to make his stall look empty and then sat in utter silence while the two hit men continued their conversation. Halfway through their conversation the men paused momentarily to ensure that they were alone in the room and one of them actually got on his hands and knees to look under the stalls. Thinking the coast was clear they unraveled a few more grizzly details about their dastardly plot while my poor grandfather sat in horror. After the hit men left the restroom my grandfather continued to sit silently in his stall, too afraid to do anything or even make a sound. After a short while other guests entered the restroom and he quietly finished his business and then exited as fast as he could. The next day there was a huge story in the paper about some mob wise guy getting bumped-off!

Sorry minions The Mooj has yet to find a certified non-paid intern so the Mooj minion numbering process is still on hold. Don't let this little setback keep you from submitting your very own minion application because when things get rolling again you'll get left behind. Scanning old newsletters The Mooj estimates that there are approximately 1,240 officially registered minions, which is a little troubling since (as someone pointed out a few weeks ago) there are only 200 - 500 people actually reading my weekly newsletter. The Mooj may actually have to start adding material to his newsletter that is insightful and worthy of reading.

For all you minions out there who miss reading The Mooj's Buray Bengali literary works, here's one especially for you. This particular story was originally published in the August 1983 Ramrama, India, Chamber of Commerce, Journal of Programmatic Lessons Learned; and is presented here in two parts (Part 1 being posted in this newsletter and Part 2 being posted later, when I can find it).

This story is about love, life and the choices we all make. For some people these choices are good; for some, bad and for others, downright ugly.........

The Buray Bengali^®

By Mujaputtia Umbababbaraba

Anupama and Bhupati, The Romeo and Juliet of India, Part I

or sometimes also referred to as

Anupama, The George Bailey of India, Part I

Anupama and Bhupati were teenagers living in the densely populated village of Ujjain, in the northern part of India. For years they had been secretly in love but Anupama was from a caste that was forbidden to marry someone like Bhupati. Bhupati, sadly, was an untouchable and Anupama’s family had political connections, which made his actions more accountable than most boys his age. However, in all of Ujjain, not a girl was more beautiful or charming than Bhupati and Anupama’s heart ached for her.

One day Anupama and Bhupati bumped into each other at the movie house and Bhupati asked Anupama if it was true that his mother had arranged for him to marry a charming girl from the south. The news of this sad event had already been published in the local newspapers and so Anupama was candid with Bhupati. Then, with tears in his eyes, he added:

“Ohh, If only opooloon mein nimbu panee khushaboo chi! Jius big knockers diil mein ektu hai? Jaise hahn eechikadana ke sung hansi ni tera mer saath raahe hai.”

This forlorn response brought both pain and anguish to Bhupati, for she knew that Anupama had no choice but to marry this other woman, whom she knew he could never love. Before they said goodbye Bhupati asked Anupama for a parting kiss, such that she could always remember the tender moment and die without regret. When asked why she sounded so morbid, Bhupati told Anupama that she had just been told by the village doctor that koi vaada na kare kabhi khaye na enlarged hemorrhoids kasamand uhmbad na kare ruptured hernia ap chelna hai. Anupama could stand no more of this devastating news and decided then and there to abandon his family honor and run away with Bhupati so that they could marry and spend what little time Bhupati had left alive, together. Anupama sent a note home to his father explaining everything and then he and Bhupati took the midnight train to Delhi. There they assumed aliases so that Anupama’s political family would not suffer any humiliation. When news of this outrage reached Anupama’s family they disowned him at once and he was forever banished.

The clean air of Delhi agreed with Bhupati and her health improved dramatically. Within a year she was completely cured of her fatal illness and she was healthy enough to bear children. Anupama soon became the proud father of triplets and he anguished at the prospect of not being able to share this great news with his mother, who had secretly longed for grandchildren all her life. (Anupama had six brothers, whom all combined, had not produced a single off spring.)

Thirty years later word reached Anupama that his mother was dying. Her last wish was to see Anupama but his father and brothers forbid it. Anupama, in a desperate ploy, wired back that if he were not welcome, should not at least his mother see the three grandsons that she had never known about? Anupama’s father softened his heart and allowed the three grandsons to visit. When Anupama’sons arrived in Ujjain they were welcomed with open arms and then told of Anupama’s dishonor. Upon learning of this treachery the sons disowned Anupama as well.

It was then that Anupama decided that he had made poor choices in life. His wife, the once beautiful Bhupati was now old and unsightly. His sons—all three—were loathsome, lazy and corrupt and he had been disappointed in them from the start. (Their recent banishment of him was pretty much the last straw.) Perhaps the saddest outcome of the whole sordid affair was that he could not be at his mother's side when she died. Fate had dealt Anupama a poor hand and he regretted ever following his foolish heart when, like his fathers and brothers he could have been a prominent member of the Bharatiya Janata Party. But he was a fool and as a result he was now fated to be a common bus driver, toiling in vain for the DTC.

It was then at his darkest hour that Anupama decided to end his life by jumping into the Yamuna River. Before he could do so, however, someone standing beside him jumped into the river first and Anupama was forced to save him. Afterwards, as they sat warming themselves in the bridge master's shack Anupama learned that the person he had just saved was his guardian angel. Of course Anupama didn't believe in guardian angels and uttered sadly that perhaps it would have been better that he [Anupama] had never been born. It was then that the guardian angel seized upon the splendid idea of showing Anupama what the world would have been like if Anupama had really never been born.

(..... to be continued......)

Poetry At Large....

A Darkened Heart Sings Out!

By Werner Heisenberg Asmus, Age 12.

Oh shame but shame, and shame some more;
True shame shalt blame, and shame afore

Gimme your rancor, your grief, your disdain;
Then beat me softy while I writhe in pain

Hang thy willows ‘neath my frilly drapes;
Then stompith mightily upon my sour grapes

How do I love thee?
Why do I love thee?
Is thee really who I love?

Does thee even know who I am?
Well, does thee?

Alas, I cry.
Alas, I die.

Now bury me squatting upwards;
So the World can kiss my butt goodbye