6-4 Mooj Weekly Standard

Special Abridged Edition

Greetings Humble Minions!

I cannot put into words how grateful I am for your patience and good-wishes while I was away on my journey of self-realization and inner reflection. I am now back and ready to resume my duty as your guru, mentor and friend.

I also cannot put into words how grateful I am that Trent Handjoy, Lance Worthy and that intern guy Gus (whoever the hell he is) posted newsletters during my long and needless absence. It brought tears to my eyes to read that Trent Handjoy had finally forgiven me and that Lance Worthy was still alive and well. That Gus guy also did a pretty good job digging through the trash and scanning my old postcards.

Now that I have returned to The Mooj Weekly Standard editor's desk I will devote all my time to you and your minion problems. But not just yet! Since I am weak and weary from my many travels I have asked Lance Worthy to read and answer the minion mail. I would have done so myself except that in doing that I would have further delayed this already long-overdue newsletter. It'll be up to Lance whether poetic reflections and/or minion stories are also included. (But don't count on it since Lance was pretty upset about just having to answer the minion mail.) I also gave Lance permission to dole out minion numbers as he sees fit; and he has assured me that all who apply will be thoughtfully considered.

So until next week I bid you fond farewell.

The Mooj

A Random Sampling of Minion Mail
(From March, April, May and Early June)

This Week's Minion Mail was sorted, analyzed, and answered by Lance Worthy

A Short Foreword By Lance:

Holy crap! There must have been over 500 letters in The Mooj Mail Bag! There ain't no way in hell I'm gonna read through all that crap. I'm also not going to reformat stuff that was sent in using mooj.com web page forms. All mail is pretty much left as is (poor grammar and spelling included).

To be honest I had tickets to the opera tonight and I'm pissed that I have to stay home and read all your stupid mail! Don't expect me to be as kind and considerate as I usually am.........

Mooj,

I'm looking for an old friend by the name of Killian Kerwin. We grew up in
San Francisco, and a person by the SAME NAME in SAN FRANCISCO sought advice
from the Mooj in 1999 -- I saw it on your website.

Would you happen to know how to contact this Killian Kerwin person by email?
I'm a little worried by the question he asked the Mooj though ...

-- 

Kate Grisswold

What kind of name is Killian Kerwin anyway? Is it gay-lick (or is that Gaelic) for "put it there, pal?" Sorry I can't help you Kate but in truth Mooj.com is a portal of self-realization and collective new age wisdom, not an outlet for losers like yourself to get their freak on.

Dearest Mooj,

I am troubled and can only turn to you, most holistic sage. I hope you’re back from your spiritual journal and that Lance Worthy isn’t the guy who answers this letter since he's such a rude bastard and I am sure he would make fun of my problem.

Last month I met the man of my dreams at a nightclub in Hermosa Beach. He was a pilot and looked just like Brad Pitt. He asked me for my phone number and I was delighted when he actually called. We dated several times and had the best time ever! Finally, after about a month, he told me that he felt comfortable enough with our relationship to move it into the bedroom. I told him that I was ready also and so we made plans to do so on our next date.

This pilot guy was so romantic! When I arrived at his apartment he had candles everywhere and covered the floors with rose petals. He greeted me at the door with expensive champagne and imported caviar from Bristol Farms. Then he carried me into his bedroom. There he caressed and kissed my feet slowly. I felt as if I were in a strange fairytale or something. Then we commenced our voyage to tantric ecstasy. The next thing I knew the closet door swung open and all his pilot buddies jumped out and yelled something about a rodeo.

I was never so humiliated in all my life! I was devastated and felt so betrayed. When it was over this creep carved a notch in his headboard (one of hundreds I noticed) and then gave all his stupid pilot friends high fives. I was so heartbroken. Why does stuff like this always happen to me? Please Mooj, am I even going to find a decent guy????? I can’t believe there are so many losers out there!

Britany, Age 45
Torrance, CA

I'm not sure where you went wrong looking for love there Britany; except, of course, that you were dating a pilot and living in LA.

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: melinee
Contact_LastName: calhoun
Contact_MiddleInitial: m
Contact_Organization: student
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: lakeland
Contact_State: ga
Contact_ZipCode: 31635
Contact_Country: usa
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: no
Date of birth: 08/21/81
Time of birth: 2:27am
Birth Position: Unknown
Relationship: Single, looking for Mr./Mrs. Right
Family Life: Live at home with parents
Question: when will i find my soul-mate, and who is he. what are my winning big game numbers

I'm no psychic Ms. Calhoun but I know a thing or two about a thing or two. If you really live in Lakeland, Georgia, then your chances of finding a soul mate are about as slim as finding a clean bathroom at your neighborhood Waffle House. As far as your winning big game numbers go I have no idea. How about trying 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6, with bonus number 7. If you win I'll bet you don't have to share the prize money with anybody.

Yo Mooj,

My wife doesn’t understand me. For example, last night she caught me in bed with her sister. I tried to explain everything but she wouldn’t listen. She’s just plain stubborn and it drives me up the wall! I don’t know how long I can take all this emotional abuse!

Desmond Bando
Longwood Gardens, DE

Hey gang, look! We just found the winner of our "Biggest Loser of the Year Award." Be proud Mr. Bando—it take's quite a loser to win that prestigious award!

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE
Contact_FirstName: Azima
Contact_LastName: Nhoorani
Contact_MiddleInitial: T
Contact_Organization: student, part time work
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: college station
Contact_State: tx
Contact_ZipCode: 77845
Contact_Country: usa
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: no
Date of birth: 02/27/78
Time of birth: dont know
Birth Position: C-section
Relationship: Married, downright miserable
Family Life: Married, just the two of us
Question: whats my financial future? my marriage will end?

Hmmm, another genuine psychic query from a guy that sounds pretty desperate. I'd like to mess with this guy's head but probably shouldn't. Something tells me that this guy isn't emotionally capable of being messed with on a Lance Worthy level. So here's what I suggest Mr. Nhoorani: save your money, live within your means, and be a better husband.

Revered Mooj,

How did you escape being killed ?
http://www.applink.net/thunder/mooj/

Or, did you simply reincarnate ?
http://littlel.net/UltraSound2.html

Certainly there can be only one Mooj.

What does it all mean ???

Ben Dover
Confused on Grande Island

Hey "Ben Dover," is that your name or what your cellmates tell you to do? I'm glad you have time to surf the web looking for Mooj sightings because most of us working stiffs don't. The next time I see The Mooj I'll have to ask him about your question. He may know what it all means because I sure as hell don't.

Great Caesar’s Ghost!

Lance Worthy is alive and well! You don’t know how happy this makes me feel. For more than a year I have been living in a funk because I miss that guy so much. Deep down inside I know that Lance isn’t a real person (he’s just a made up manifestation you created within your insane Punjabi head). But he was such an interesting personality. Thanks for bringing the character back to life.

"A True Fan"
Wako, TX

What do you mean Lance Worthy isn't a real person? Who the hell do you think is answering your letter!

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: Gyppo
Contact_LastName: Teddy
Contact_MiddleInitial: B
Contact_Organization: Administrator
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: Dubai
Contact_State:
Contact_ZipCode: [omitted]
Contact_Country: United Arab Emirates
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: Gyppoteddy
Date of birth: 09/26/67
Time of birth: 0901am
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: Single, looking for Mr./Mrs. Right
Family Life: Live at home with parents
Question: When will I meet my life partner and settle down ??

With a name like Gyppo Teddy you won't.

Right on!

Someone had to tell the truth about that whole Olympic skating scandal! Lance Worthy is a brave man to take on those crooks in the figure skating world. I used to be a figure skater but got tired of all the corruption and drugs. I can’t stress enough to all you moms and dads out there not to let your children grow up to be ice skaters! Skating is totally run by the mob and devil worshipers. Again, kudos to that brave man Lance Worthy for his stand against corruption.

Doug Hennley
Deere Gardens, MI

Lance Worthy accepts your accolades for his thrilling and insightful expose on the darker side of Olympic Ice Skating. While sifting through the Mooj Mail Bag I found dozens of other letters mentioning that Olympics Scandal essay I wrote last February and let me just tell you, they weren't written by people as intelligent and well informed as this Doug Hennley guy. Part 2 of that work-in-progress is entitled, Other Reasons Why Russians, French People and Canadians Suck and is currently available on my website.

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: ANTHONY
Contact_LastName: SMITH
Contact_MiddleInitial: W
Contact_Organization: NONE
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_Address2: Contact_City: GARY
Contact_State: IN.
Contact_ZipCode: 46404
Contact_Country: UNITED STATES
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL: none Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: ANTHONY WAYNE SMITH
Date of birth: 12/13/61
Time of birth: 1:35 PM CST
Birth Position: Unknown
Relationship: Single, looking for Mr./Mrs. Right
Family Life: On my own, no kids
Question: I AM IN LOVE WITH CHICANNA STEWART. DO YOU THINK SHE HAS ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR ME?

I bet she does Big Guy! (I wish you could see the face I'm making right now.)

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: Brooke
Contact_LastName: Bonds
Contact_MiddleInitial: K
Contact_Organization: Student
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: Vancouver
Contact_State: B.C
Contact_ZipCode:
Contact_Country: Canada
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: Brooke
Date of birth: 08/28/82
Time of birth:
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: None of your business
Family Life: Live at home with parents
Question: Will I marry the man I am currently with at this time?

How should I know? But I do know one thing: If you're really from Canada then you're probably a loser.

Hallelujah! Lance Worthy is alive and well! Now I can look forward to seeing his insightful columns in your newsletter again. I think he’s a bit on the rude side but most people deserve what they get when he answers the mail since most people are stupid. I hope someday that a man like Lance Worthy marries my daughter Samantha. She’s only 12 now but already has lots of boyfriends. We live in Texas so people begin dating much earlier here.

H.H.
Pennygrove, TX

Texas, huh? Sounds like quite a place. And your daughter sounds like quite a little woman. (Again, I wish you all could see the face I'm making.)

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: Elaine
Contact_LastName: Lewis
Contact_MiddleInitial: K
Contact_Organization: Student
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_Address2: Contact_City: Winterhaven
Contact_State: CA Contact_ZipCode: 92283
Contact_Country: United States
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: Elaine From Winterhaven
Date of birth: 03/11/19
Time of birth: 11:55 A.M.
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: Single, looking for Mr./Mrs. Right
Family Life: On my own with one child
Question: I Would like To Start A Minute Maid Business And I Need To Know If It Will Work Out Ok. A Minute Maid Service Is Cleaning service

Go for it! What've you got to lose (besides money and your reputation)?

MINION APPLICATION FORM

Contact_FullName: Kristina
Contact_Title: Mooj
Contact_Organization: queen
Contact_StreetAddress: 33 blah street
Contact_City: bumbleyork
Contact_State: NY
Contact_ZipCode: 11259
Contact_Country: north america
Contact_WorkPhone: [omitted]
Contact_HomePhone: none
Contact_FAX: none
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL: none
Personal_DateOfBirth: 4/4/1885
Personal_Sex: Female
Personal_Height: 3'11''
Personal_Weight: 457
Personal_HairColor: Red
Personal_EyeColor: Violet
Born: I told you already, BUMBLEYORK NEWYORK
School: I have a Master's degree
Finances: Homeless

Something Special About Me:

I am known as mooj, so I went surfing through the internet one day looking for mooj.com and found it, amaaazing

Minion Application Essay:

umm....no, I just thought this site was cool cuz it was about me.

Hey mooj woman, I like the way you filled in your minion application form using bogus data. You're pretty funny whoever you are. (If you could see me you'd see that I'm totally busting up right now.) Since I could care less about who is and isn't a minion I gladly accept your application and hope for the best. You are now officially known as minion #1325.

MINION APPLICATION FORM

Contact_FullName: Das Speidmon
Contact_Title: Teacher
Contact_Organization: Cheshire Montessori School
Contact_StreetAddress: 1313 Mockingbird Lane
Contact_City: San Francisco
Contact_State: CA
Contact_ZipCode: 95818
Contact_Country: USA
Contact_WorkPhone: [omitted]
Contact_HomePhone: [omitted]
Contact_FAX:
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Personal_DateOfBirth: 10-31-69
Personal_Sex: Male
Personal_Height: 6ft
Personal_Weight: 180
Personal_HairColor: Blonde
Personal_EyeColor: Blue
Born: San Jose, CA
School: I graduated from a community college
Finances: Just getting by

Something Special About Me:

I am a true tailored and well traveled gentleman simply searching for something greater!

Minion Application Essay:

I consider myself extraordinarily worthy of being a Mooj Minion in that I believe that my kindness and calm spirit influence others in a special way. I have received many compliments from people that I have counseled and helped thru tough times. Even though I don't have much to offer financially, I am able to help thru motivational speaking.

Hey gang, look! Another clever guy using bogus data on his minion application (at least the address part anyway). This wisecracker sure busts me up! Hey, Das Splunker, congratulations; I don't care that you're an idiot and so you are now and forever known as minion #1326.

Mooj,

I go to CSULB and am a sophomore. Last week I went to this kickn' frat party with my boyfriend. There was this strange professor there that kept following me around. As soon as we got to the party my boyfriend abandoned me and I tried to get away from the creepy professor but he followed me everywhere I went. Toward the end of the party I was totally wasted and everything was a big blur. The next thing I knew it was morning and I was in one of the beds upstairs. I was alone but it looked like someone else had been in the bed with me. I found some friends who were also at the party and they told me that they saw me go upstairs with that weird professor guy. I told them I thought I might have slept with the guy but they doubted it since they saw him leave with my boyfriend a few minutes later. Why would my boyfriend leave with the professor? I’m so confused. What happened to me? What happened to my boyfriend? Why can't I ever find peace of mind?

Lave Helms
Long Beach, CA.

Boy, I'm sure glad your parents are getting their money's worth sending you to college Ms. Helms. Let me guess, you're probably an education major, right? As far as your boyfriend goes, who knows and who cares.

MINION APPLICATION FORM

Contact_FullName: Richard Hatem
Contact_Title: Cruthers
Contact_Organization: Attorney
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted] Columbia Street, #1050
Contact_City: San Diego
Contact_State: California
Contact_ZipCode: 92101
Contact_Country: USA
Contact_WorkPhone: (619) 236-[omitted]
Contact_HomePhone: (858) [omitted] -0338
Contact_FAX:
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Personal_DateOfBirth: 09/11/69
Personal_Sex: Male
Personal_Height: 6'2"
Personal_Weight: 190
Personal_HairColor: Black
Personal_EyeColor: Brown
Born: Los Angeles, California
School: I graduated from a service academy
Finances: Just getting by

Something Special About Me:

Cruthers likes caps! The Mooj is a nonstop inspiration and has always been so....stumbling onto this collection of Mooj Minions makes me feel whole! This is the greatest discovery of my life!

Minion Application Essay:

I've known the Mooj for ten years now. I've been following in his footsteps and hope to one day possess at least a fraction of the knowledge that is the Mooj. I am filled with bliss in thinking of the Mooj. He also introduced me to the game of caps, which, as it turns out, is my life's calling. THANK YOU MOOJ!!!

Boy, this guy sure sounds like he's got his head on straight. Hey Cruthers Man, promise me something, okay? Next time you send a letter to The Mooj don't smoke so much crack before hand, okay? Consider yourself chosen minion #1327.

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: Georgette
Contact_LastName: Huston
Contact_MiddleInitial: M
Contact_Organization: Assistant Teacher
Contact_StreetAddress: Rt.1 Box [omitted]
Contact_City: Fayette
Contact_State: MS
Contact_ZipCode: 39069
Contact_Country: USA
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: Georgette M. Huston
Date of birth: 09-29-80
Time of birth: 07:15 pm
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: Single, looking for Mr./Mrs. Right
Family Life: Live at home with parents
Question: How soon will I become pregnant again? Or am I already pregnant?

Hey, you pervert! What kind of website do you think this is? I suggest you take your sexual problems someplace else!

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: carrie
Contact_LastName: parker
Contact_MiddleInitial: m
Contact_Organization: student
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: escanaba
Contact_State: mi
Contact_ZipCode: 49829
Contact_Country: usa
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: dont care
Date of birth: 04/27/70
Time of birth: 01:07:00 a.m
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: Single, looking for Mr./Mrs. Right
Family Life: On my own with one child
Question: Is my boyfriend faithful to me?

If you have to ask then he isn't.

MINION APPLICATION FORM

Contact_FullName: Willie
Contact_Title: Hippo
Contact_Organization: Senior Nuclear Reactor Operator
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: Concord
Contact_State: CA
Contact_ZipCode: 94521-2626
Contact_Country: United States
Contact_WorkPhone: (925)862-[omitted]
Contact_HomePhone: (925)798-[omitted]
Contact_FAX: (925)862-[omitted]
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Personal_DateOfBirth: 08/01/47
Personal_Sex: Male
Personal_Height: 6'1"
Personal_Weight: 236
Personal_HairColor: Gray
Personal_EyeColor: Brown
Born: Providence, Rhode Island
School: I graduated from a community college
Finances: Well off

Something Special About Me:

I blame whales for the rise of the oceans. Their dead bodies are not decomposing after they sink below the thermocline.

Minion Application Essay:

Hippos can weigh twice as much as buffalo, two or three tons each!!! With their cavernous raw mouths and bulging eyes, their tuba voices....seem like the uproar of the damned, as if, in the hot rain and purgatorial din, just at this moment, the great water pigs have been cast into perdition, their downfall heralded by the scream of the fish eagle, which circles overhead. I am one with the hippo........v/r.....willie

Thanks Mr. Hippo. I feel honored to have you as a brother minion. You are now and forever known as minion #1328.

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: melanie
Contact_LastName: tungston
Contact_MiddleInitial: p
Contact_Organization: housewife
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: hermiston
Contact_State: new york
Contact_ZipCode:
Contact_Country: usa
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: melanie
Date of birth: 01/17/70
Time of birth:
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: Married, not exactly happy
Family Life: Married with 2 - 5 children
Question: i really hope u pick up on my situation i should be overflowing with vibes...i feel so lost and empty my husband has hurt me so badly in the past...12 years later it still hurts, and with 3 kids all diagnosed with adhd im so overwhelmed im trying to take a path just for me will i suceed in my ventues and will i every be happy??

Man, this is pretty deep. Too deep for the Worthy Man to ponder. Hopefully, The Mooj will get back to you on a personal basis.

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: christina
Contact_LastName: pully
Contact_MiddleInitial: a
Contact_Organization: student
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: tallahassee
Contact_State: fl
Contact_ZipCode: 32304
Contact_Country:
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: same
Date of birth: 01-04-80
Time of birth: 11:15:00 am
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: Single with no intention of finding someone
Family Life: On my own, no kids
Question: is my ex my soulmate?

Another soul mate question. I'm not sure why all these people are always asking about their soul mates. What the hell is a soul mate anyway?

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: Lanni
Contact_LastName: Potter
Contact_MiddleInitial: T
Contact_Organization: Sand Canyon High School
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: Gilbert
Contact_State: AZ
Contact_ZipCode: 85289
Contact_Country:
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: Yes
Minion Number: [omitted]
Newsletter Alias:
Date of birth: 01-02-86
Time of birth: 5:21 a.m.
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: Single with no intention of finding someone
Family Life: Live at home with parents
Question: who is the father of my baby?

Again, not really something The Worthy Man wants to touch. I was going to joke around and say, "the father of your baby is your soul mate.... (or something funny like that)," but that would be in poor taste since this poor girl is only 16 and probably isn't in the mood for my jocularity. Hopefully, The Mooj will get back to this poor girl and set her straight.

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: Camilla
Contact_LastName: Grenburg
Contact_MiddleInitial: R
Contact_Organization: Student
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: Sydney
Contact_State: nsw
Contact_ZipCode: 2989
Contact_Country: Australia
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL: [omitted]
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: Camilla- Australia
Date of birth: 290981
Time of birth: 12:29
Birth Position: Feet first
Relationship: None of your business
Family Life: Live with boyfriend/girlfriend
Question: i was actually wondering if you could tell us all a bit about your experience in jail. particularly about the way the guards treat you, conjugal visits and the rules and so on...thanks

Wow, a genuine Australian! G'day loser! Sorry Aussie-Camilla, Lance Worthy is too prim and proper to address a lewd question like that.

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: mike
Contact_LastName: shillson
Contact_MiddleInitial: r
Contact_Organization: steel worker
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: calgary
Contact_State: alberta
Contact_ZipCode: t2c2h4
Contact_Country: canada
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: Kindred__33
Date of birth: 02 28 79
Time of birth: 635 am
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: Single, looking for Mr./Mrs. Right
Family Life: Live at home with parents
Question: what is going to happen in next 2 years as far as relationship wise and finacatial wise ??

Oh boy, another Canadian scholar eliciting free psychic advice! Sorry Kindred__33, but I have no idea what you're asking about. Perhaps you should never have dropped out of grammar school.

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: Edith
Contact_LastName: Leveille
Contact_MiddleInitial: p
Contact_Organization: chambermaid
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: Minerva
Contact_State: N.Y.
Contact_ZipCode: 12851
Contact_Country: u.s.a
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: i dont know
Date of birth: 05/10/61
Time of birth: 2:30 am
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: Single, desperate, would even settle for a loser
Family Life: On my own with two or more children
Question: im finding myself dreaming of this dark haired man and he maybe from my past and i have a funny feeling will he be coming to see me soon?

He sure is! And, better yet, he's your soul mate!!!!!! (Ha ha ha, sometimes I just crack myself up giving my wise ass answers!)

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: Mike
Contact_LastName: Moodge
Contact_MiddleInitial: G
Contact_Organization: perfeshunal bull rider
Contact_StreetAddress: I am on the rode alot.
Contact_City:
Contact_State:
Contact_ZipCode:
Contact_Country: Why USA, of coarse
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL:
Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: Mike G. Moodge
Date of birth: 08/22/56
Time of birth: 08:22:56 am
Birth Position: Head first
Relationship: None of your business
Family Life: On my own, no kids
Question:

1) Do self-realization trips always go from east to west like the Mooj's postcards indicate?

2) Has the Mooj always spelled his name that way? Are family spells it Moodge.

3) You ever been to the Gene Autry museum?

4) Do Brahmins ever barbecue Brahma bulls? If so, do they taste like chicken?

Hey Mike Moodge, I bet it's safe to assume that your mom never bought you that much needed Hooked on Phonics course. Sadly, you were probably born normal and are paying a hefty price for all those years on the rodeo circuit letting Brahma bulls stomp on your head.

REQUEST FOR FREE PSYCHIC ADVICE

Contact_FirstName: Lisa
Contact_LastName: Galvan
Contact_MiddleInitial:
Contact_Organization: inspiring actress
Contact_StreetAddress: [omitted]
Contact_City: Austin
Contact_State: Texas
Contact_ZipCode:
Contact_Country: USA
Contact_Email: [omitted]
Contact_URL: Minion: No
Minion Number:
Newsletter Alias: don't matter to me. not picky
Date of birth: 12/27/82
Time of birth: 2:35 p.m.
Birth Position: C-section
Relationship: Single with no intention of finding someone
Family Life: Live at home with parents
Question: I am an inspiring actress and I want to know if I will hit movie stardom in the future

Uh, well ..... I guess so. I mean it's pretty easy to make it in show business isn't it? Hell, look at all them movie starts out there! (I'm making that face again.)

A Short Afterward By Lance:

Enough already! I can't take anymore. I haven't even gotten through the first 30 letters and already my brain is fried. Sorry folks, that's about all I can handle in one sitting. The rest of you guys need to write back because I just just deleted all your emails. Ooops.

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