The Mooj Weekly Standard
Written and Edited by Mujaputtia Umbababbaraba
Volume III, No. 14, April 19, 1999
Welcome Friends:
First the good news.  Circulation of the Mooj Weekly Standard has almost doubled this year, up nearly 48% since the January 3rd newsletter.  Many new friends have joined us thanks to the current Friends of Mooj e-mail campaign.  If you are a new reader then welcome aboard!

 

First things first.  Lately I have been getting hundreds of e-mail requests asking me such things, as: “Who the hell are you?” and “Why do you keep bothering me?”  The answer to the former is: “I'm Mujaputtia Umbababbaraba (or as friends call me “Mooj”).  The answer to the latter is: “Sorry, I must have sent you e-mail by accident.”  My mailing list is slightly longer than the current newsletter circulation roster so it's reasonable to expect that a few unintended persons are getting my newsletters (1,387 to be exact).  If you are one of these otherwise unfortunate people then please ignore this newsletter.  (Or read it, enjoy it and pass it along to a friend.)

A few inquisitive minds have asked me if Mujaputtia Umbababbaraba is my real name.  The answer is, “Yes and no.”  The truth is that I changed my name a few years ago to shorten it and make it sound less ‘ethnic.’  People who attended Raweigh High School, class of 1973, will probably remember a kid named Mujaputtia Umbababbarabababugida—that was me!  And no, I'm not a Pakistani I'm Uzbekistani-Punjabi.

Because this newsletter was delayed by some unforeseen circumstances I will omit my usual weekly political editorial.  If you are a recent visitor to the newsletter you can obtain copies of previous essays (and otherwise deep mutterings) from the Friends of Mooj Memory Bank.  The alphabetized roster of some past essays include:
 
Are You There God? It's Me, Mujaputtia
Bobby Sherman—Forgotten Soldier of Rock n’ Roll
Chester B. Arthur—America’s Favorite President
Chester, the Happy Go Lucky Imp
Citizen Gus
Coping with Ring Worm
Deadbeat Sons
Don't be Sexist, Chicks Hate That
Drunk Indian Folklore
Ere I Saw Chester County Jail
Fast Times at Islamabad High
Goethe would have Kicked Freud's Ass
Has E.F. Hutton Said Anything Lately?
Hey, This Smells Like Cincinnati!
I Still Believe in you John Bobbitt
I’d Kill for a Noble Peace Prize
Jeez, Am I the Only One Left in the Stacey Q Fan Club?
Kiss Me I'm Uzbekistani-Punjabi
Mooj, Mooj—The Dancing Machine
Ode to Foghat
Prince Charles, Not Your Average Chump
Quaker Outlaws
Rugby Moms
The Fall of the House of Buttafucco
 

Poetry Corner 

The Mooj Poetic League is still collecting poems for this year's Poetry Showdown.  If you are a budding artist (or at least think you are) please send your poems to us (same e-mail address) and we'll circulate them among our prestigious panel of judges.  This year's winner will have his or her poem published in the December 28th Mooj Weekly Standard.  So far over six poems have been collected.  [Editor's note: would whoever sent the poem entitled: The Fortunate Few Luckily Enough to Have Been Called Official Bozo the Clown Sidekicks please identify yourself.  Your submittal did not have a name attached.]   Several readers of my poetry journal have expressed interest in me including a random sampling of my poetic talent in this weekly newsletter.  I would love to accommodate you but fear that too many poems would detract from the otherwise serious nature of this newsletter.  You be the judge: if enough of you request poetry then I'm sure the editorial board will make an exception.

Cook's Corner

This week's recipe comes from the boys at the York County Youth Detention Center:

Appalachian Macaroni and Cheese:  Use standard boxed macaroni and cheese (not brand specific) and prepare it according to directions.  Before the cheese sets add ketchup, bacon, kidney beans, and corn.  Season to taste.

Bible Corner 

This week's Bible question comes from Mustafa Churchill, a fellow inmate here at CCJ: 

Everyone knows that Cain and Abel were the first two children of Adam and Eve, but who was their third child?

The answer to last week's quiz question was Sodom.  Sodom was the city that never slept (or at least not on it's stomach).

Keystone State Trivia 

Sorry, but due to lack of interest in this feature it will no longer be included in this weekly newsletter.  If readers wish it to remain please contact the Mooj Pennsylvania Heritage Trust (same e-mail address) and we'll see what we can do.  From what I understand most of the information included in this section was incorrect anyway. 

This Week's Stock Market Picks 

“Hey Mooj, you were right on the money!”  Do you know how often I hear that?  Just about every week I get mail from someone who heeded my useful stock market advice and made a killing.  My Wall Street advice rivals that of some of the most prestigious brokerage houses in New York I'm told.  This week I suggest you pump your money back into the beleaguered tech stocks.  Last week's earnings scares chased a few Bears back into the woods but these stocks are ripe for the picking now.  If I had money I’d buy CSCO, GTW, ADCT and maybe DELL right now.
 Closing Thoughts 

The more I think about it the more I think poetry will spice up this weekly newsletter.  Although circulation is rising exponentially I'm always on the lookout to attract new readers.  Perhaps poetry is a good way to lure in people who would otherwise look for thrills elsewhere.  We'll see.  You be the judge.

Also I've been asked by several (I don't want to say outraged—maybe inquisitive would be a better word) people about where their donations to various Mooj Social Action and Awareness Funds are going.  I am in the process of trying to compile a balance sheet showing income and outgoing expenses.  Unfortunately, at this time I am unable to locate much of the money that was sent in over the last few months.  Hopefully it's around here someplace.  

I should note that two funds have been permanently dismantled: The Free Nelson Mandela Foundation and the Franco-Russian War Veteran's Fund are discontinued until further notice. 

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